ARTICLES
Does stoicism actually help with grief?
Grief is a universal experience which will likely be experienced by everyone at some point in their lives. It is a natural emotional response to the loss of something that is often times irreplaceable and while this is often associated with the loss of a family member or friend, it can take many different forms from the end of a relationship, loss of a job, or another major life change. Grief is often a hard hitting emotion due to a combination of two factors:
We lose something irreplaceable and important to us
We experience grief significantly less frequently than other emotions (many people will experience grief just a handful of times yet it can have long lasting - even lifelong - impacts during their lives)
I recently have been dealing with grief following the passing of a close relative of mine, and in searching for comfort during these times of sadness, I realised that much of the wisdom within the works of the ancient Stoics could be directly applied to my situation and ease the discomfort of dealing with such a strange emotion. This article differs slightly from my others in that I’m not trying to suggest any real strategies in dealing with grief - I’m not a psychologist and definitely not qualified to offer concrete advice on dealing with grief. Rather, my goal with this article is to explore and share my experience in applying Stoic principles to the tragedy of death.
What does Stoicism teach about grief
In dealing with grief, people find comfort in a range of different ways. This could be family members, friends, therapists, religion and in their own philosophies. One such philosophy that has stood the test of time, yet often is misrepresented in the modern age is Stoicism which, at its heart, teaches that we should focus on what we can control and worry not about factors which we cannot. This dichotomy of control is pivotal in Stoicism: external events are beyond our control, but how we react to them is within our power. By cultivating an attitude of acceptance and rationality, Stoics aim to maintain inner peace regardless of external circumstances.
Anyone who is remotely tuned into the teachings of Stoicism will have read or heard the infamous phrase: “Memento Mori” which loosely translates to “Remember that you must die”. At first glance, this phrase seems like a morbid and grim concept to be teaching its readers who may very well be young, healthy and years away from death. But Memento Mori doesn’t serve the purpose of propagating the nihilistic morbidity of death, but rather to instil a sense of perspective, appreciation and purpose for the time that we do have alive. It’s phrases from Stoic literature like this that have helped so many to deal with grief. During my grieving process, I found that three facets of Stoicism were particularly useful.
1. Focus on the controllable
One of the foundational ideas of Stoicism is the distinction that forms between what is within our control and what is not. This is one of those principles which on the surface appears simple and trivial to implement but it requires a lot of thoughtful effort to fight back against the natural anxiety that can arise in unfamiliar situations. In the context of death, the fundamental Stoic principle is recognising that the fact that what has been lost or who has passed cannot be changed, and instead, we are able to control how we cope with death and how we react to it.
This is not to say that the recommendation is to not ‘grieve’ in the traditional manner and to supress all emotions, but rather to control your emotions in such a way so that you are still capable of supporting and comforting those around you who may not display the same level of control over their emotions. I’ve found this, not only to be a valuable skill in dealing with grief, but in life in general.
For me, I found that focusing on controlling thoughts and perceptions about the situation instead of ruminating on the loss to significantly help. Additionally, accepting that death is a natural process and embracing its inevitability can help mitigate the shock and pain associated with loss.
2. Find strength in virtue
The Stoic philosophy is rooted in four virtuous traits: Wisdom, courage, justice and temperance. Applying these four virtues in the context grief is a powerful way of dealing with the complex emotion. Let’s start with wisdom: Here we can use logic and reason to understand that grief, while painful and uncomfortable, is a natural response to loss.
Courage allows us to face grief head-on with bravery and gives us the ability to allow ourselves to feel the emotions that come with grief without letting them overwhelm us. Justice pushes us to honour the memory of the person lost by living in a way that reflects their positive qualities and contributions and in a way that would make them proud of the legacy that they left upon us. Finally, temperance: Practice self-control and balance the expressions of grief. Avoid excessive indulgence in hedonic escapism, aiming instead for a balanced approach to mourning, always pushing forward to a better version of yourself.
3. Reflect on the impermanence of life
As mentioned in the introduction, one of the most infamous phrases in Stoicism is Momento Mori (remember that you must die). Reflecting on this regularly may seem morbid, nihilistic or unnecessarily negative but I disagree. I found that the important factor in considering Momento Mori is how it is framed. Sure, it could evoke a sense of dread or worry, but if framed correctly it can instill a sense of perspective and appreciation for the time we have. I also find that regularly practicing displaying gratitude and reflecting on positive experiences and the lessons learned from them to be massively beneficial.
Finally, one thing that Stoicism also teaches is the interconnectedness of the natural world in a sort of proto-deterministic philosophy. To recognise that every life is part of a larger whole (i.e the natural order) is to find comfort in the idea that your loved one continues to exist in the grand scheme of things - maybe not in an afterlife but definitely re-embedded into nature.
Conclusion
Grief is an inevitable part of the human experience, but applying Stoic principles, can help us navigate the difficult journey through grief with greater resilience, wisdom, and inner peace. Focusing on what we can control, embracing virtues and reflecting on the impermanence of life can provide a sense of solace and perspective. In the face of grief, Stoicism offers a framework that empowers us to transform our pain into a source of strength and growth, honoring those that we have lost by living our own life with purpose and integrity.
Stoicism for Students: How a timeless philosophy can transform our approach to studying
In recent years, it seems like there’s been a surge of interest in the ancient philosophy of stoicism. Data from Google trends shows that in just the past 5 years, there’s been a 600% increase in interest for this topic and the r/stoicism subreddit has grown from 840 to more than 610,000 members between 2012 to 2024.
The reason for this resurgence is likely more complicated than a brief analysis can uncover. Perhaps it’s the pragmatic insights that stoicism gives for leading a fulfilling and meaningful life, or the close connection between the philosophy it teaches and the habits of history’s greatest minds, or maybe it’s as a rebellion or resistance against the seemingly growing trend of abdication of personal responsibility - but that’s a topic for another article. Here we’ll explore how this philosophy of discipline and self-sacrifice can be applied to a group with a culture that stereotypically displays the least amount of similarity to stoicism: students.
What is Stoicism
Being ‘stoic’ often has a connotation of being brave or indifferent or restrained in the face of adversity. It’s the classic “Keep calm and carry on” mantra in a nutshell. And although Stoicism does encompass that resilient indifference to external circumstances, it’s core principle can be summarised as something much more fundamental. In his book ‘The Daily Stoic’, Ryan Holiday (perhaps the most well known ‘modern stoic’) explains that “Stoicism teaches that we can’t control or rely on anything outside… our ability to use reason to choose how we categorize, respond and reorient ourselves to external events”. In other words, the backbone of stoicism is the ability to react (and in many cases, not react) to external situations - a form of self discipline. So this leads to the question: why aren’t students stoic?
I must admit that this question is slightly misleading and unfair on the part of many students and I’m vastly generalising the global student population here. But from my experience of being a student, and from observing the behaviours of other students, there are some key takeaways from the teachings of Stoicism that, if applied correctly, could dramatically increase the productive output of students.
How can Stoicism benefit students
1. Managing Stress and Anxiety
“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius
Most students at some point will be faced with a crippling amount of coursework, glooming deadlines and a seemingly impossible amount of extracurricular and social commitments to maintain. It can be all too easy to work - as Cal Newport writes in Slow Productivity - dangerously close to our breaking point. As a result, reaching that breaking point can be just an extra assignment, one poor study session or even just a marginally less productive day away and in most cases this will lead to growing stress, anxiety and eventual burnout.
However, this isn’t a dead end hopeless situation that all students must face. By following one of the core principles of stoicism - “We Don’t Control External Events, Only Our Thoughts, Opinions, Decisions and Duties” - we can forge a powerful control over the stress of student life. This isn’t to suggest that we should be passively meandering through our studies care free with the attitude that ‘whatever happens, happens’. Rather it’s a way of taking control of the situations - and more importantly - our reaction to the situations we face as students.
Got a new assignment? You have the control to get that done now. Don’t understand the contents of a lecture? You have the control to re-watch, -read or -learn the content. Upcoming exam that you’re stressing about? Again, you have the control to start studying now. By recognising that you have control over your actions and how you respond to external events, you can reduce the stress and anxiety that typically come with student life.
It’s this shift from being a victim of the responsibilities of a student to having the control to conquer the challenges that come with it, that is a fundamental aspect of stoicism that can be incredibly empowering for students. It shifts the narrative from being overwhelmed by tasks to being in charge and capable of overcoming them. This change in perspective can greatly reduce the stress that comes with the overhead worries of being a student. Stoicism teaches individuals to be content with what they have and to accept the things they cannot change. This powerful lesson can allow individuals to focus time and energy on more productive and meaningful pursuits.
2. Improving focus and productivity
"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do." – Epictetus
It’s unlikely that the early stoics - Zeno, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius and the likes - were hyper-fixated on productivity in much the same way as modern workers and students are. But, as I’m sure you’ve experienced at some point, effective time management is vital for productivity, and Stoicism offers valuable insights on prioritising and allocating time efficiently. According to the Epictetus:
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.”
This perspective enables individuals to focus their time and energy on what they can control, reducing wasted effort on uncontrollable factors. By concentrating on what they can influence, Stoics make better decisions about time management.
Stoics like Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca believed in doing what matters most, taught that overwhelming tasks can be broken into smaller parts and advocated for preserving time and energy where possible. And the great thing for us is that all of these ideas can be be efficiently applied to modern working life. Techniques like task prioritisation, progress milestone tracking and time blocking have been popular for increasing effective productivity but all are in some form some evolution of the basic principles taught by the stoics 2,000 years ago.
3. Handling failure and setbacks
“In all things, there is a portion of what we can and a portion of what we cannot control.” – Epictetus
Failure is something that all students will face at some point and it will come in different forms depending on the student. One student may view a grade of 68% (a 3.9 GPA in the US) as a complete failure while another would’ve worked tirelessly for the same grade. We set our own threshold of what is considered a failure. But, regardless of where this threshold is set, it would be unwise to expect not to meet failure. So, now that we expect setbacks to occur in our studies, how can stoicism aid us in dealing with them? Rocky put it best when he said “It’s not about how hard you hit, but how well you can get back up and keep moving forward”.
Failure and setbacks will occur during our time as students. More important than avoiding these setbacks, therefore, is our ability to rebound and learn from them. As previously mentioned, one of the core principles of stoicism is to take ownership of things that are within our control. So if you face a setback for whatever reason, worry not about the factors that led to it that were outside of your control, but do consider how you could’ve controlled the factors within your control better.
4. Developing Self-Discipline
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” – Epictetus
It’s no wonder that a philosophy structured around the pursuit of personal development and self-discipline directly improves both of these skills. But self-discipline isn’t just some neat skill that makes you more productive. It enables you to maintain control over your actions and reactions, leading to better focus, productivity, and stress management. Most of all, self discipline allows us to trust ourselves when we say we’re going to do something.
You see, self-discipline is a form of compounding self-trust. If you tell yourself you’re going to wake up at 7AM and do it, congratulations, you’ve just earned some discipline points and now intrinsically trust yourself to do it next time. Do this over and over and over again and you build a confidence that you can stick with what you set to do. If, on the other hand, you tell yourself you’re going to do something but let yourself down when it comes time to doing it (whether that’s because the thing itself is hard, or you’re not motivated, or you forget), then your mind starts to not trust itself in completing these tasks. As a result, there exists a significant amount of cognitive effort to get started with, and continue a given task - especially if it’s hard.
This goes back to the famous saying by former Navy SEAL Jocko Willink: "Discipline Equals Freedom." When you have self-discipline you take ownership of your actions. As a student this means taking ownership of our studying, our time and ultimately our education which leads to a more profound understanding and improved academic performance. It also cultivates resilience, allowing us to navigate challenges and setbacks more effectively. Furthermore, self-discipline can encourage healthier lifestyle choices, such as regular exercise and balanced diet, which enhances overall wellbeing and academic performance. Ultimately, developing self-discipline empowers us to lead more balanced, fulfilling, and successful lives both during their academic journey and beyond. Self-discipline is a skill, and like all skills, it must be practiced consistently to see it’s fruits.
6. Achieve a strong work-life balance
“Others have been in poor health from overindulgence and high living, before exile has provided strength, forcing them to live a more vigorous life.” – Musonius Rufus
A good work life balance is an essential component of long term productivity, success and above all happiness. It’s no wonder then that this was something that the stoics were focused on. How we actually implement techniques to improve this balance is a topic of intense debate in the world of productivity. By all accounts the stoics worked at a much more natural pace than the frenetic pace of modern life. As a student, this frantic work schedule can often be exaggerated to the nth degree with endless pre-deadline cramming. Later in this article we’ll explore some methods to combat this, but I’d once again recommend Cal Newport’s Slow Productivity for more information on working at a more natural pace.
Let’s first take the following example of a student who recently failed an exam. He may adopt the attribute this failure to the fact the contents of the course were too difficult or that he didn’t have enough time to study. Yet, he spent at most, 30 minutes a day studying and barely attended lectures due to other commitments. If the goal (which it very well might not be, but given that you’re reading this article, I assume it is) is to achieve the best grades possible in a healthy and productive manner, then certain commitments must be sacrificed. After all, if you don’t sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice. I’d recommend listing out your five main commitments that are expected to be consistent over the next three to five years. Then place them in order of importance or significance. Then assign how much time per week you’re willing to sacrifice for these pursuits. This may look like:
Health & Fitness - 20hrs
Family - 7hrs
Studies - 45hrs
Friends - 10hrs
Video Games - 5hrs
Bear in mind that this shouldn’t be a concrete time commitment - studying may get more hours during exam season and less over the summer holidays. Family and friends may be the opposite. However, having some metric to plan you’re time to different commitments is a useful tricks to manage a healthy work life balance.
7. Build a strong mind and body
“Don't explain your philosophy. Embody it.” – Epictetus
As has (hopefully) been clear throughout this article, stoicism gives plenty of guidance for developing a strong mind by teaching the importance of discipline, self-mastery, and wisdom. To a student these are invaluable skills that can greatly enhance their academic performance and overall wellbeing. But stoicism also recognises the value of having a strong and healthy body. The stoics believed that a healthy body was a direct result of a healthy mind and vice versa.
Applying this to the lives of students, stoicism offers valuable insights into how students can resist the temptations and degenerate activities that often come with student life, such as excessive partying, procrastination, and unhealthy lifestyle habits. It teaches that our reactions to external events are within our control. This means that we have the power to resist temptations and degenerate activities by changing our perception of them.
For instance, rather than viewing a party as an opportunity for fun and pleasure, we can perceive it as a potential obstacle to our academic goals and personal development. Similarly, we can view procrastination not as a harmless way to avoid work, but as a hindrance to our productivity and success. By changing our perspective, we can empower ourselves to resist these temptations and make better decisions that align with our values and goals. As the stoics often taught, life is a game of balance.
Most students will at some point be faced with choices and often these choices come as a tradeoff between sacrificing long term goals for short term enjoyment. Stay in and study or go out and party? Study all day or hit the gym? Notice how none of these choices are immediately obvious as to which is most important. It is up to you to determine the correct balance of priorities and hopefully after reading this article, you can use stoicism to aid you in that quest.
How to implement stoicism as a student
Daily reflection: Taking a few minutes each day to reflect on your actions, decisions, and experiences can help you align with your stoic principles. It allows you to identify areas where you may have strayed from your values, and plan how you can better embody stoicism in the future.
Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness is a key aspect of stoicism. It involves being fully present in the moment and accepting it without judgement. You can cultivate mindfulness through practices such as meditation, mindful eating, or simply taking a few moments each day to focus solely on your breathing.
Voluntary discomfort: Stoics regularly practice voluntary discomfort to remind themselves that they can endure hardships. As a student, this might mean taking a cold shower, studying without distractions for a set time, waking up early, or resisting the pull of endless scrolling. This practice can help build resilience and refocus your priorities as discussed in the first section.
Journaling: Writing in a journal can be a form of meditation. It allows you to express your thoughts, reflect on your day, and plan for the future. Journaling can also be a tool to reinforce your stoic beliefs and remind yourself of the stoic principles you want to embody.
Practice gratitude: Practicing gratitude is a simple and effective way to shift your focus from what you lack to what you have. This aligns with the stoic principle of being content with what you have. Each day, take a moment to write down or mentally note something you are grateful for. You might be grateful for the friendships you have, the support of your family, your self-motivation or even just grateful for the ability to pursue an education.
In conclusion, Stoicism, with its core principles of self-discipline, resilience, and focusing on what one can control, offers invaluable guidance for students navigating the challenges of academic life. It provides practical strategies for managing stress, improving productivity, handling failure, developing self-discipline, achieving a work-life balance, and building a strong mind and body. More importantly, Stoicism encourages a mindset of mindful living, gratitude, and continual self-improvement. While the journey of education can often be demanding and stressful, Stoicism offers a philosophical compass to guide students towards a fulfilling and balanced academic experience. By practicing Stoic principles, students can transform their approach to studying, bolster their academic performance, and cultivate a life-long philosophy for personal growth and accomplishment.